Single? Sick of trying to deal with all of the scary English-speaking women of the Western World? Well, Random Salad is here to help! Thanks to the magic of the Interweb, you can order brides from all over the world!
Russian brides seem to be pretty popular right now, possibly because you can buy them in bulk. Latin women, which is code for any woman from Mexico or parts south, including South America, don’t seem to get quite as much interest.
I haven’t been able to find a whole lot of links to, say, Canadian, American or Western European mail order brides, which is a shame because, with the economy going the ways it’s going, I’d assume that at least the American ones would be a good dollar value right now.
In any case, you have no excuse to be single anymore.
Scarlett Johansson has achieved a great many things in her life — not the least of which is her status as the daughter of a Danish architect. How many of the supposed “Hollywood Elite” can claim that on their resume?
Also, since she is of Danish heritage, her name is probably real. That’s a pretty cool name, Scarlett Johansson. She could probably find work in some fairly refined institutes of pornographic video production.
Much like her name, her breasts are very real. This could hurt her chances in the adult industry, but it seems to have helped her out around here, because you, the readers of RandomSalad.com, have just voted that…
Scarlett Johansson has the Best Breasts Evvvaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Probably, at least. Since she’s never going to actually show the goddamn things.
She’s only 23, but unless her career takes a serious nosedive real soon she’s going to pass the age threshold for large-breasted women to remain fully confident with their naked bodies before she passes the box-office threshold of having no other way to get work.
So, congratulations to Scarlett. Now let’s boycott her movies.
Basically, you think about lifting the rock on screen and your avatar lifts the fricken rock on the screen. You make a ugly sex face because you are faping while playing the game (since your hands are now free to do that), and your characters makes the same face. Heck according to the press, if the game thinks you look bored, it can raise the difficulty level.
The latest in plug and play sex toys that I can find with minimal effort is the long distance dildo. Basically, you can control the speed of your lover’s vibrator over your computer. Not especially virtual sex like, if you ask me.
What is needed is a plug and play full body suit. You and your partner(s) put these on at different point in the world, hook them up to your computer and experience the full sensation of making out over the Interweb, including the joy of waiting for the latest thrust to download, significant data loss, and the titillating possibility of control of your suit being hijacked by virtual rapists from /b/. That, my friends, is where the Interweb should be heading.
Some people are really struggling with beta; both the definition of the word and its execution. This is a problem that I’ve encountered with many applications online, as well as with certain Internet moon games.
Speaking as a former software development manager, I get it. You’ve just coded a really cool app, and you want to release it. You know that it’s not quite ready for prime time so you slap the ‘beta’ label on it, perhaps thinking that end users will be happy to help you iron out the kinks. Well, you’re probably wrong.
Today, “beta” seems to be an excuse for crappy coding and poor planning. Applications are released in extended, or perpetual beta, which is a public dumping of crappy code by developers who refuse to inform users of a solid release date. Twitter’s team didn’t even bother to label their micro-blogging client “beta,” they simply dumped their garbage code and listenedto peoplecomplainaboutitonadailybasis.
Something similar happened to LunarWars. When the game opened it experienced a gold rush of new users who left after they had buggy experiences. With limited budgets to spend on advertising, Indie games live and die by word of mouth marketing, and if new players encounter a broken game they will not recommend it to their friends.
I don’t like to complain/report/post about three bugs while hundreds of other people complain about the same three bugs. Don’t you think its easier to manage the complaints of a smaller group of people who actually want to help you fix the problems they come across? The creators of SocialMedian think so. The developers knew their code wasn’t perfect so they released the app in private alpha to a devoted group of beta testers (including myself). This used to be the norm, but now it’s actually newsworthy.
Back in the day software developers released their first confident batch of code in alpha form to a tiny group of people, then a beta version of the product was made open to a wider (but still limited) group of folks before it was finally released to the public. To me, this seemed like a pretty good system. What happened?
Beach-bounding, breast-bouncing, blonde Baywatch bimbo Pamela Anderson has ruined her tremendous trademark titties through a combination of excessive exposure (to the sun at least) and too much plastic surgery. According to Hollywood plastic surgeon Dr. Alex Karidis, the vacuous vixen has ruined the elasticity of her skin to the point that her implants are showing. To the readers of Random Salad the decline of Pammys puppies should come as no surprise. In a recent readers poll the pointless peroxide Playboy covergirl didn’t get a single nomination for her mountainous mammaries.
The question is, now that her fabulously famous funbags are past their prime, what will Pamela do next? With her artificial assets rapidly resembling a pair of wrinkled sun-dried raisins what talents has she got to fall back on? The glittering acting career she had hoped for never really materialised thanks to blisteringly banal performances in Barb Wire and Baywatch (just put your cock down for a moment and concentrate on her acting ability you pervert), although her less savoury semen-swallowing performance with Tommy Leereportedly became the best-selling porn title in history. Perhaps she’ll concentrate on her charitable work with Feed the Children and PETA, where she appears to be able to create quite a stir, whether saving the chickens or insulting other stars.
So, is there any hope for the forty one year old Canadians collapsing coconuts? Sadly not. Scar tissue from previous boob jobs has built up to such an extent that they are unrecoverable (according to Dr. Karidis). It seems that Pammys plump palookas are beyond saving, and I for one will mourn their passing.
Kids these days are the worst. Listening to hip hop music and doing all sorts of crazy drugs. Like Ibuprofen. It’s about time someone did something about it, which is why I so deeply admire Arizona school officials for strip-searching a 13 year old girl under suspicion of having some. Leave it to those damn liberal commies in the 9th circuit courts to deem that unconstitutional - albeit by a 6-5 vote.
At least the first few courts that heard this case said it was perfectly fine, since “the school did not violate the US Constitution’s Fourth Amendment rights against unreasonable searches and seizures because officials have a legitimate interest in protecting students from prescription drugs”. These judges seem to forget the part in the constitution that says that all rights are null in void if someone has a legitimate interest in something.
They’ve gotta catch these ones early - the next thing you know they’ll be dealing Midol in the girl’s locker rooms. As if Ibuprofen weren’t serious enough on it’s own. Sure, they’ll have excuses like “waaah my period hurts”, but that’s what you get for original sin, bitch.
Best Boobs Evarrr, the 3G iPhone, gaming on phones, and Radiohead’s awesome laser cameras. Plus, Kim’s tired and wants thousands of cats for her birthday.
Apparently, American Presidential candidate John McCain’s wife has a history of drug addiction. Specifically, Percocet and Vicoden. She basically forged a bunch of prescriptions to obtain these drugs and, when caught, walked - much like fellow American right-winger, Rush Limbaugh.
Now, I’m by no means a rabid Obama supporter. In fact, my political leanings are, if anything, more outside the mainstream. Furthermore, I’m not a drug user - never have been, never will be - though I dated an addict for a number of years and that pretty much sucked.
The reason I bring this up is because my major issue with the modern conservative movement in America is its hypocricy. They gay bash while secretly engaging in homosexual trysts. They want abortion to be made a crime, but don’t want the women who have abortions sent to jail for committing that crime. And, apparently, they hate drug addicts, except for the ones they are parents of or married to.
I’m not saying all conservatives are like this (nor am I saying that liberals don’t have their share of hypocrisies), but, hey, if you’re running for President and one of your planks is supporting the “war on drugs,” the unprosecuted illegal drug use of one of your family members should be an issue.
Presumably, McCain believes the fact that his wife wasn’t prosecuted was a grave miscarriage of justice.
I asked, you selected, and now we must decide. Below are the twelve most desired sets of breasts on all the Internet, eleven of which are about to be eliminated in our quest to form a fake religion around a woman who will never acknowledge us in any small way.
Your nominees are:
Brigitte Bardot
Salma Hayek
Shay Laren
Veronika Zemanova
Michelle Trachtenberg
Kelly Brook
Katie West
Lucy Pinder
Love4Dream
Milla Jovovich
Scarlett Johansson
Allie Sin
Take this task very seriously. If you’re unsure, or you just need bigger pictures, remember that Google is your friend in times like these. When you feel that you are ready to make an informed decision, continue below to vote.
You can pick as many girls/breasts as you want. Choose too many and you’ll cancel your own votes out, though, so try to be a little picky about it. You are now a professional breast snob.
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Argue like a bunch of idiots in the comments, and next week we will gather here once more to celebrate our new boob-jesus.
Single? Sick of trying to deal with all of the scary English-speaking women of the Western World? Well, Random Salad is here to help! Thanks to the magic of the Interweb, you can order brides from all over the world!
Scarlett Johansson has achieved a great many things in her life — not the least of which is her status as the daughter of a Danish architect. How many of the supposed “Hollywood Elite” can claim that on their resume?
We are so close to finally being able to have outstanding long distance sex via the Intertubes.
Some people are really struggling with beta; both the definition of the word and its execution. This is a problem that I’ve encountered with many applications online, as well as with certain 
Kids these days are the worst. Listening to hip hop music and doing all sorts of crazy drugs. Like Ibuprofen. It’s about time someone did something about it, which is why I so deeply admire Arizona school officials for 
Brigitte Bardot
Salma Hayek
Shay Laren
Veronika Zemanova
Michelle Trachtenberg
Kelly Brook
Katie West
Lucy Pinder
Love4Dream
Milla Jovovich
Scarlett Johansson
Allie Sin
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