We're working relatively hard on some new features and upgrades, all over the site.
It did occur to us that when most sites are being worked on they're taken down and replaced by cool pictures of whales and shit, but since we don't have any cool whale pictures we're just going to let you use the broken site.
If you're wondering how long it will take for us to get our work done, let us know if you find out.
Grazor on August 22nd, 2008 in Blog
So it turns out panty-wanking was just the tip of the ice-berg. Below the smooth, calm surface lays a dark murky underworld of perversion. My best friend is spiraling into depravity, sliding into a dirty hole in a way I never thought possible.
Recording his acts of self-abuse into lingerie are not enough. Posting naked pictures on swinging sites is not enough. Perhaps arranging to meet another guy’s girlfriend for a one-night stand and shaving his cock and balls at her request will be enough? I feel I should help him (and I don’t mean with the shaving) but what can I do?
I point out it could be a blackmail trap, that he may get to the hotel and three large men will be waiting for him. That they will beat him to a pulp before frog-marching him to the nearest cash point to withdraw all the money he can, and then steal his car… if he is lucky.
…
So, now I’m his backup. He tells me the details of the meet, where he’s going, what time, and I wait a set period from then before alerting the authorities if I’ve not heard from him. I feel a bit like a pimp, or a porn buddy but I feel it’s the best I can do in the situation?
This post was inspired by real-life events’ disclaimer: It seems my previous post was slightly inaccurate. Upon reading it my friend was aghast that I had incorrectly stated he videoed the act - apparently he’d only taken stills. He therefore feels my account was inaccurate, and should carry the above disclaimer. I apologize for previously misstating the facts, I am sure only photographing the act makes the whole thing much less perverted.
Tim Hinton on August 12th, 2008 in Blog
Hi, everyone.
I hope this letter finds you well. I apologize for not writing sooner, but the man who lives across the hall from me murdered some people a few days ago. I wasn’t one of the people, but the incident did make me fear for my safety enough that I have declared martial law in my apartment building.
The revolution goes well. We have relocated all dissidents to the basement so that they cannot undermine the resolve of our glorious republic. The front door has been barricaded, and valuable territory has been liberated from the oppressive forces of colonialism (our landlord). Once we convert the rooftop to arable farmland, and seize the means of production and also that flatscreen TV from apartment 4, we’ll really have something going here.
I shall send more dispatches as my new duties as supreme leader allow. Until then: be strong, my brothers. Viva Los Tenants!
Gen on August 6th, 2008 in Blog
Ok, so I had a dream about David Cross last night. I’ll try to remember it best I can.
I was talking to David. It was him, dressed in I think a hoodie & cargo shorts. Something like that. We were fully engaged in conversation about… well, I can’t remember what about. The setting kept switching from inside a building to outside next to a building. So in the middle of our conversation another David Cross enters, only he’s playing a different character.
So I’m speaking to David and in comes another David who’s acting like a professor, but in an absolutely ridiculous way. Think Donald Duck’s brother, Prof. Ludwig von Drake. And this second David is only partially dressed. All his junk is covered, but everything else is free game for the eyes.
The second David convinces me to go back to his room (which just so happens to be attached to the outside of a random building that we keep popping in and out of throughout the course of the dream), and I do. As I follow behind him into his room I see the first David staring at us, wondering why I’m following the silly David. I feel bad for him and walk over to talk to the first David instead.
The the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster descended upon us and ravaged our land and raped our women.
Christoph Malcolm on July 9th, 2008 in Blog
Man, this is so awkward.
So, how are you? Me, I’m good, I guess. Everything’s great, I’m working hard and trying to keep healthy, and– oh, fuck it, can you spot me some cash?
We need money in order to do awesome things. Internet Magic can only carry us so far, and beyond that some Internet Money would really come in handy. It’s not that we don’t love being the indie darlings of the web, but the crotches of our pants are all full of holes and you really don’t want anything poking out of there.
We’re in no danger of having to close down or anything — this isn’t one of those donation drives — but there are a few things we honestly can’t do without a little bit of funding.
Donated money will go directly into the site, prioritized as follows:
- The first $100 will pay half of our next server bill
- We want to buy Locke a camera, and Gen a non-clicky camera.
- We need proper headset microphones for Random Radio to have guests on via Skype.
- Any extra money will go towards site projects, like Joey’s proposed webgame.
- Any extra-extra money might help buy us a server upgrade.
If you don’t have superfluous dollars lying around, don’t worry about it — again, the site will remain regardless. If you do, though, consider throwing a few dollars our way to support original content on the Internet, fat people with lots of cats, and improving RandomSalad for future generations of fat people with lots of cats.
You can donate as much or as little as you like by clicking here, with our gratitude.
Grazor on July 6th, 2008 in Blog
It’s 06:10 on a Saturday morning. You wake up in the spare bed at your best mates house (’cos you were too drunk to drive home after visiting him and going out on the lash for the night). You don’t need to get up this early, but your body-clock is so used to kick starting your lazy ass around this sort of time that it persists at weekends.
You had a lot of beer last night, your mouth feels dry.
You get up and creep downstairs to get a drink of water and maybe watch some morning TV (with the volume down, so as not to wake your mate). As you walk into the lounge you see a man stood in the middle of the room with his back to you. He’s short and muscular, and completely naked. As you watch, wondering what to do, he appears to be shaking a little, and suddenly throws back his head and lets out a sharp cry! Then you notice a video camera on a tripod in the corner of the room.
* * *
So, you’ve just discovered your best and oldest friend has a secret pastime masturbating into womens panties. Women he’s met on the internet, and whose (unwashed) panties they send him in the post. He gets to keep the panties, they get to keep the video.
Oh My God!!!
Christoph Malcolm on July 1st, 2008 in Blog
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Christoph Malcolm on June 24th, 2008 in Blog
Calling all Lunar Wars players: reactivate your dead accounts and join the new RandomSalad.com alliance immediately.
Kent C. Tugood on June 24th, 2008 in Blog
I remember when I was just under three years old, and I was already in love with LEGO. Unfortunately, my mom and dad were strict on the packaging that said “Not Advisable for kids under Three”. Stupid Child Protectionism.
So when I finally turned three, and got my first LEGO set, I got at least 15 lectures from all sorts of people that was basically a “DON’T EAT YOUR LEGO OR YOU’LL PERISH!” lesson. Now, I wasn’t a stupid child, but I knew for a fact that something that was plastic, rigid, and could build things DEFINITELY WASN’T FOOD, because food wasn’t nearly that awesome. But at least food wouldn’t potentially kill me by a case of mistaken identity.
Until Now.
I know for a fact this will not end well. Especially with little kids, who may wind up eating a mouthful of plastic, and build with Fruitsnacks. Or at least I’d expect to build something with my LEGO Fruit Snacks, but by the looks of this video, It looks pretty nigh impossible. Which disappoints me, since I love LEGO, as illustrated by the following photograph:
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go build some Candy.
Grazor on June 21st, 2008 in Blog
My nose is still running, but the pills I’ve been continually popping all week are finally taking the edge off the headache I’ve had since last Saturday. Yeah, I’ve had a man cold and somehow still managed to struggle to work everyday. That’s right, I’m a hero.
Doubtless, the ladies out there will just issue an unimpressed “Pffft!”, dismissing my debilitating condition as a common cold, but I’m hoping the men will all understand where I’m coming from. Seriously, how can a guy who couldn’t walk for 6 weeks and spent the best part of a year having physio (motorbike accident) remain upbeat and happy, yet lose the will to live after a simple 5 day cold?
So am I alone here, or is it true that colds hit guys harder than girls?
Christoph Malcolm on June 18th, 2008 in Blog
Contributing users now have profile pages, in case there are people out there who would dare to learn more about them or — god forbid — contact them directly. The profiles are very basic, but they’re all we need, and if I’m lying you’ll just find authors putting better profiles in the website field.
The current usefulness of an author’s profile is sixfold:
1. Slightly larger version of their avatar.
2. Website link, if they have one.
3. @randomsalad.com email address providing an almost symbolic level of protection against spam, but very good for contacting them.
4. Freeform text block filled with whatever the author thinks is worth sharing.
5. The author’s twenty most recent posts.
6. The author’s ten most recent comments.
To see an author’s profile, just click on their name right under the title of any of their posts. This will be pretty uneventful until a few of our authors fill out their profiles, which they can do by going here.
