Get Off My Lawn You Drug Addict

Kids these days are the worst. Listening to hip hop music and doing all sorts of crazy drugs. Like Ibuprofen. It’s about time someone did something about it, which is why I so deeply admire Arizona school officials for strip-searching a 13 year old girl under suspicion of having some. Leave it to those damn liberal commies in the 9th circuit courts to deem that unconstitutional - albeit by a 6-5 vote.

At least the first few courts that heard this case said it was perfectly fine, since “the school did not violate the US Constitution’s Fourth Amendment rights against unreasonable searches and seizures because officials have a legitimate interest in protecting students from prescription drugs”. These judges seem to forget the part in the constitution that says that all rights are null in void if someone has a legitimate interest in something.

They’ve gotta catch these ones early - the next thing you know they’ll be dealing Midol in the girl’s locker rooms. As if Ibuprofen weren’t serious enough on it’s own. Sure, they’ll have excuses like “waaah my period hurts”, but that’s what you get for original sin, bitch.

The little ingrates don’t even realize how good they have it. They can be safe from lunch theft by verifying their identity via fingerprints in the lunch line, they have almost the same amount of free speech as prisoners and even then they go on and exploit the hell out of it. I submit that we should crack down on the bastards even further - after all, they’re guilty until proven innocent. Only in doing so can we properly handle the scourge of schoolkids carrying Flintstone’s chewable vitamins.

Random Salad is full of things much less interesting than this. Whether you've come to this page by a link or by voodoo sex magic, pay a visit to the homescreen before you go.