You Think Too Hard, You Blow Yourself In Two

Joey Michaels on July 17th, 2008

cyber.jpgWe are so close to finally being able to have outstanding long distance sex via the Intertubes.

Emotiv Systems in San Francisco, CA, USA has unveiled a hands free game controller that operates on brain waves and facial muscles.

Basically, you think about lifting the rock on screen and your avatar lifts the fricken rock on the screen. You make a ugly sex face because you are faping while playing the game (since your hands are now free to do that), and your characters makes the same face. Heck according to the press, if the game thinks you look bored, it can raise the difficulty level.

The latest in plug and play sex toys that I can find with minimal effort is the long distance dildo. Basically, you can control the speed of your lover’s vibrator over your computer. Not especially virtual sex like, if you ask me.

What is needed is a plug and play full body suit. You and your partner(s) put these on at different point in the world, hook them up to your computer and experience the full sensation of making out over the Interweb, including the joy of waiting for the latest thrust to download, significant data loss, and the titillating possibility of control of your suit being hijacked by virtual rapists from /b/. That, my friends, is where the Interweb should be heading.

Random Salad is full of things much less interesting than this. Whether you've come to this page by a link or by voodoo sex magic, pay a visit to the homescreen before you go.

7 Comments:

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Kent C. Tugood
July 17th, 2008 at 12:22 am

I’d hate to be the guy wearing the suit during debugging. What the Programmer thinks will be a gentle touch, the Computer will think is a good ol’ fashion punch to the junk.

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Joey Michaels
July 17th, 2008 at 2:23 am

This will be in permanent beta. Don’t tell Grazor.

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Locke
July 17th, 2008 at 7:41 am

Man this’ll give a whole new meaning to “trojan virus”.

I wonder if they’ll have an AI that kicks in when your partner sucks. Or if you can prescript sex.

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Grazor
July 17th, 2008 at 11:33 am

A full VR body suit is something I would definitely not want to buy second hand on E-Bay.

But I’d put money on something like that being decades off. Crudely sensing brain activity to move stuff around on screen is one thing (and has a lot more applications than gaming), applying stimulus to the brain, or any other part of the human nervous system to recreate the complex sensations associated with human activity is far more difficult. VR headsets are a classic example - they have been around for as long as I can remember, and are still pretty crude and bulky. Once we get direct retinal projection, from either lightweight glasses or even contact lenses things will feel more immersive, and less intrusive (size/weight etc.), but still won’t address the other senses.

Plus, with my lousy internet I’d be striving to achieve vinegar when the damn connection would drop out…

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Kent C. Tugood
July 17th, 2008 at 12:58 pm

@Locke: When I read “Prescript sex”, my first thought was “hard coded”.

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StarF68
July 18th, 2008 at 1:45 am

You better swallow, cause you just blew my mind.

I think it would be boring to play games like that though honestly. I mean it’d be fun to mess around with for awhile, but eventually you’re just sitting there imagining all your moves… A controller at least gives you something to do that takes a little more skill, and adds an element of coordination that you must have.

It’s like the Ninteno Wii, fun for awhile, but then it’s just trite and redundant.

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Genitals McKool
July 18th, 2008 at 10:19 am

It’s said the brain can’t tell the difference between visualization and real life. People could use this to acquire/perfect skills at times where they may not physically be able to do so. I read something a while back a bout a veitnam pow that had spent his time visualizing his golf game while imprisoned,when he returned he had actually improved even while his body had atrophied.

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