Best Breasts Evarrr!

Christoph Malcolm on July 18th, 2008

scarlett.jpgScarlett Johansson has achieved a great many things in her life — not the least of which is her status as the daughter of a Danish architect. How many of the supposed “Hollywood Elite” can claim that on their resume?

Also, since she is of Danish heritage, her name is probably real. That’s a pretty cool name, Scarlett Johansson. She could probably find work in some fairly refined institutes of pornographic video production.

Much like her name, her breasts are very real. This could hurt her chances in the adult industry, but it seems to have helped her out around here, because you, the readers of RandomSalad.com, have just voted that…

Scarlett Johansson has the Best Breasts Evvvaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Probably, at least. Since she’s never going to actually show the goddamn things.

She’s only 23, but unless her career takes a serious nosedive real soon she’s going to pass the age threshold for large-breasted women to remain fully confident with their naked bodies before she passes the box-office threshold of having no other way to get work.

So, congratulations to Scarlett. Now let’s boycott her movies.

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13 Comments:

link Joey Michaels
July 18th, 2008 at 12:49 pm

While I can’t disagree with this assessment, it is a shame that we weren’t as willing to explore new and different breasts as we were in the past.

I suggest that there be a one year term limit.

link Genitals McKool
July 18th, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Best breasts Hall of Fame?

link Kimber Loo
July 18th, 2008 at 3:21 pm

How can you choose a different Best Breasts, when you already know that there are better ones?

link Joey Michaels
July 18th, 2008 at 3:27 pm

That sounds like a zen koan.

link Kimber Loo
July 18th, 2008 at 8:58 pm

I don’t know what a koan is but is sure sounds smart.

link Joey Michaels
July 19th, 2008 at 2:42 pm

It is a thing that is meant to snap your mind into a zen state. Like “imagine the sound of one hand clapping.”

link Daniel McElhaney
July 19th, 2008 at 3:01 pm

One could argue that 20 year old Pamela Anderson’s breasts are better than 41 year old Pammy’s knockers. Obviously, breasts deteriorate over time, thus, new champion every year.

link Kimber Loo
July 19th, 2008 at 5:25 pm

That would mean that we’d have the same Best Breasts winner for years and years in a row, and then everyone would be bored of the Best Breasts contest, and who wants that?

link Daniel McElhaney
July 20th, 2008 at 10:14 am

You should have some requirements. Like no one over 30 or same person can’t win it twice in a row.

link Christoph Malcolm
July 20th, 2008 at 10:37 am

It’s not like we’ve actually done this before. Scarlett has just been our assumed champion, but this is the first official title we’ve given for breasts since like 2002, and that was only for camgirls.

link Joey Michaels
July 20th, 2008 at 12:30 pm

All right, fair enough. First official title should go to Scarlett. We have fetishised her unofficially for over a year, so its good that we’ve made it legal, as it were.

Also, she has fine breasts.

link Locke
July 21st, 2008 at 7:20 am

@Daniel - I don’t know dude if the lady is 30+ and still rocking some amazing hooters she should get extra credit.

link Joey Michaels
July 21st, 2008 at 3:37 pm

Hellen Mirran. For serious. 60+ and a fricken babe.

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